The Positive Part – How Do You Use Assertiveness to Positive Effect?

If you don’t want to let anything dampen your Christmas spirit this year, then now is the time to grab the reindeer by the antlers and learn how to use your assertiveness to the greatest effect.

If you can assert yourself appropriately, then you will be able to prevent many of the usual scenarios that can cause you stress over the festive season.  Perhaps you find it difficult to take time off work to be with your family.  Or would you like to put your foot down and stop any overspending? Maybe you struggle to keep all your relatives happy.

You can adapt your ability to assert yourself for different situations and all sorts of circumstances such as:

• Asking people what they really want

• Saying what you really want

• Dealing with someone who is pushy or aggressive

• Saying no

• Giving or receiving a compliment

• Giving or receiving criticism.

The important thing to remember is that nothing is going to change if you don’t make yourself heard.  If you really want to get a result, then the only way to do it is to assert yourself.  You might feel uncomfortable at first, and it might take a bit of practice, but it’s definitely worth persevering with.

Positive Practice If you want to make sure that Christmas 2007 is the best yet, then there is no better place to start than being assertive with yourself.  You have to decide what it is you really want and then make sure you get the desired results.  Here’s a simple exercise designed to deliver a truly exceptional Christmas experience… Firstly, write down what you would like to change about your Christmas.  Perhaps you don’t want to play host to your whole family this year.  Or would you like a little more support and assistance with organising everything?  Maybe you’d like a quiet Christmas at home, instead of racing round to see all the relatives.  Put it all down on paper. Next, think about your reasons and solutions.  You cannot assert yourself if you are not confident in your position.  Take time to consider your reasons and possible solutions to obstacles that may be placed in your way. That way, if there is a conflict of opinion you can state your case firmly and fairly and also suggest alternatives. Finally, consider how you are going to tackle the issue.  Decide when and where to have the conversation.  Make sure there will be no distractions or interruptions.  Write down exactly what you want to say and then practice it and picture yourself being assertive and having a successful outcome that everyone is happy with. And remember, if you don’t take action yourself, then nothing is going to change. Good luck! If you need a bit more advice on how to assert yourself, don’t forget there’s a worksheet on our website that explains the 5 magic ingredients that you need. Click here to find it.

What Can You Do?

Hilary made a new plan.

Hilary hadn’t been looking forward to the team Xmas do.  Every year it was the same, they went for a pub crawl, then an Indian meal before going to a night club.  As they were all women it could get bitchy and unpleasant and although she left before the night club she dreaded having to even stay that long.  After the third Springboard workshop she realised that the feelings about the impending event were actually causing her to feel stressed and starting to affect her work.  She wrote down what would be an ideal Xmas event for her and planned what to say to her team leader.  She suggested going out for a joint meal with another team at a new Italian restaurant where they held Xmas parties and her boss was only too pleased that someone wanted to do something new.  Hilary made all the arrangements, everyone had a much more enjoyable evening and, as a result, the two teams are now coming up with new ways to work more effectively together.

What Can You Read?

Christmas can provoke stress and put your relationships under strain.  Here are my top 6 books that Santa can bring you to help.

Stress Free Living by Trevor Powell

Minimise Stress, Maximise Success by Clare Harris

Stop Blaming, Start Loving by Bill O’Hanlon & Pat Hudson

Thinking Styles, Relationship Strategies That Work by Fiona Beddoes-Jones

Hot Monogamy by Patricia Love and Jo Robinson

Hot S-e-x by Tracey Cox

What’s Happening?

In the last few weeks I have had a lot of work cancelled or rescheduled by a variety of clients.  This is great news for you as it creates an unusual gap in my diary, which you could use to try out something new for your staff - don’t forget we run free tasters. Or you could take the opportunity to get that pilot programme off the ground that you have been meaning to start for ages.  So if you’re a Training Manager and you want to get something last minute into the training diary for January or February, then contact me today.  If you want some help as an individual then make sure you forward this newsletter to your HR or Training Manager.  If you don’t act fast then I’ll fill all those dates with skiing!

I’ve been talking to some clients recently about using our Fresh Steps for Older Workers Programme to support staff that might be facing redundancy as a result of a significant change programme.  If you are aware of, or planning a change agenda in 2008/2009 then call me to discuss how we can support your staff with a development programme tailored to your situation.  Fresh Steps, Springboard and Navigator programmes all have a lot to offer to those facing unexpected career changes.

Positive Praise

I wanted to drop you a line to say thanks for your latest newsletter.  How do you always know what I'm up to?  Your newsletters always seem to hit the nail on the head.  There must be an uncanny connection between us.

Linda Legg

Just a little note to say how much I enjoy your newsletter and I feel that it renews my enthusiasm and positive thinking and lifts my day.  Keep up the good work.

Tracey Thompson, BAE Systems

Just booked a holiday for next year to Madeira, a lifelong ambition of mine, and now I am going to do it. How is that for positive thinking? It may have taken years to get there hopefully I will enjoy it more.

Dot, Northumbria University (Springboard participant 2005)

If you’re at a low point between Christmas and New Year then don’t forget there is 24/7 access to positive motivational support through BlogPositive.