Are You Stuck In A Rut?
Stuck again? – some of you might be thinking ‘hang on a moment hasn't she written about this before?', and you are correct, it was in September 07 (click here if you want a copy of this). This time it is about when you feel stuck in your life or a part of your life, rather than being stuck on a particular task or problem you face. For me it is about wanting to change some aspects of my life, but experiencing a sudden paralysis about them.
Coincidently (I know there is no such thing as coincidence) I took part in someone's research project the other week on ‘stuckness in the coaching process', that helped me to realise that I was well and truly stuck and needed to do something about this.
Visualising the future – One of the things I wanted to do was to get a better view of the future and what I wanted it to be like. Here are some of the things I did:
- Created a collage – I actually ended up doing two. One of words and pictures of how I want to be now and into the future. The other about what I wanted my life to include or encompass in the future.
- Wrote my obituary – this is a really strange but powerful process, which can threw up lots of ‘yes but's' and fears.
- Made real the stuckness – I drew a picture of how it felt right now which was very powerful. There was a little me pushing an enormous boulder of my life! This enabled me to acknowledge how it felt now and was a good impetus to keep going to change it!
- Consulted others – I was invited to take part in a group process called The Idea Generator, where in a nutshell, people present a problem and the rest of the group come up with ideas. This created 30 suggestions of things I could do, many of which I am following up.
Are there parts of your life where you are stuck in a rut? What exercises could you do to move yourself forward?
Dealing with the ‘Yes but's' – Doing these exercises raised a lot of issues, fears, and limiting beliefs that needed to be transformed if I was going to move forward. I used the Logical Levels of Change model that I use with my clients to focus on the positive and negative things in my life that might help or hinder me in changing. I did a belief change exercise, which created a new empowering belief that enabled me to see that this time if I stuck with the process of change I could make a big difference in my life, but I needed to stick with it. Click here if you want a handout of this model and the belief change exercise.
What stops us from sticking with it? – My inner critic at these times of stuckness says something like ‘Oh for ****** sake just get on with it – you've got X & Y to do, stop wasting time navel gazing'. What does yours say to you? Being able to spot what the old inner critic is saying and master it meant that I have been able to stick with the process.
Patience & perseverance – The belief change exercise resulted in me realising that I needed patience and perseverance to stick with the process until I had found a way forward. I needed to avoid burying myself in activity that might feel like being busy, but might not change anything significant in the long term.
What activities do you engage in which stop you from getting on with some real inner work?
Take some time out – I was lucky that some work was cancelled and instead of filling the space with the 101 things I could do, I spent the time working on my life and myself. I also took time out from that to sit in the sun in the lovely garden of a local museum to ponder life and where I am at. I have mentioned before a wonderful book by David Kundtz called Stopping, which I frequently dip into. I've just bought a new book of his called ‘Moments In Between: the art of the quiet mind', which is providing even more food for thought on how we live our lives.
How can you create some time and space for yourself to ponder life or unstick yourself?
Do you want help moving forward in your life? Our coaching or training programmes might be of use to you. for more information about Grovelands visit our website: http://www.grovelands.org.uk/ or call 01865 377334 or email firstname.lastname@example.org to arrange a time to speak in confidence.