You & Your Inner Critic: who is in the driving seat?

What is an inner critic? – From discussing the inner critic with a wide range of people it seems that some are not even conscious of the negative voice within their heads, which is constantly berating them, or they are only aware of the affects on themselves and their lives. For others they are more than aware of the constant chatter but are unable to stop the incessant nagging. And I meet the occasional few who say they don’t have an inner critic – they seem to be in a very small minority!

Are you aware of a negative inner dialogue? What form does this dialogue take?

When is it at its worst? Does it ever keep quiet?

What are the affects of it? – Through recent discussions on workshops and talks I have given on the topic, it seems that our inner critic can affect people in many different ways:

• Undermining confidence especially in difficult situations, when making important decisions or communicating with more senior people

• Increasing stress levels either because people doubt their competence or they are overly anxious about their ability to perform and cope with the pressures that they face

• Stopping people from going for their dreams and goals, because they think they are not good enough or won’t be able to cope

• Reducing satisfaction and enjoyment at work and in life – as the inner critic can often ruin any sense of satisfaction by always focussing on what still needs to be done or what could have been done better

• Increasing a sense of failure, guilt and general dissatisfaction from the incessant negative dialogue

• Spending so long beating themselves up when they make mistakes, resulting in no time or energy left to learn from the mistakes.

There can be some positive side effects for some people, although as they are achieved through the inner critic, the downsides usually outweigh the positives:

• Ensuring that they don’t make mistakes by being overly cautious

• Spurring them on to succeed – either to prove their inner critic wrong or because they fear failure and what that might bring in terms of berating by their inner critic

What is the affect of the inner critic on your life or on others around you? Do you experience any positive side affects?

What can you do to master it? – Buy my book, come on one of my workshop or get some 1:1 coaching with the author herself!!! Joking aside there are many practical things you can do to change the habit of a lifetime of beating yourself up and undermining yourself. However for techniques to be successful you need to bear in mind the following points:

• You need to use the techniques on a regular basis – if you allow your inner critic to berate yourself daily or even hourly, you need to be doing something positive to counteract this on an hourly or daily basis

• Regular use of positive techniques will create new habits in terms of how you think and behave

• Support from a trusted friend (peer support is great if you both want to work on it), from a colleague, manager or coach can be very useful to keep you going and help you to see how much you have changed

• Check in with yourself: how are you first thing in the morning; during your day; at lunchtime; on the journey home; during the evening. Get into the habit of being aware of what is going on within you

• Reminders – because our negative inner dialogue is so habitual you need to remind yourself to stop and think as you go through your day and week. Put reminders in your diary, PDA, on your computer. A postcard that means something to you strategically stuck in your office or home can remind you to stop and take stock

• Cut yourself some slack – what you don’t want is for ‘Mastering Your Inner Critic’ to become something else that your inner critic beats you up about eg: ‘You see you are hopeless you are still criticising yourself’, ‘See without me you’ll make mistakes’. So be positive, focus on the changes you do make, rather than any slip ups you have.

NB: The points above can be applied to anything you are attempting to change not just mastering your inner critic. Therefore, if you have made some New Year resolutions you might want to bear them in mind.

What can you do to encourage yourself to develop more positive habits in terms of your internal dialogue?

The book Master Your Inner Critic, Release Your Inner Wisdom has lots of practical techniques on the following and much more:

• Changing the message
• Listening to yourself
• Being your own agony aunt
• The wisdom of mentors
• Debriefing using your wisdom
• Changing your mood
• Mastering your mind
• How to handle criticism from others
• Stop criticising others
• Start praising others
• Supporting yourself
• Changing habits of a lifetime

For more information or to arrange a time to speak in confidence call 01865 377334 or email mg@grovelands.org.uk. For more information about Grovelands visit our website: www.grovelands.org.uk