Do you suppress or express your anger?
Do you get angry? – This might sound a strange question, as some people are well aware that they get angry whether they express it or not. However, for others they can suppress their feelings of annoyance, hurt or anger so much that they go around thinking that they never get angry. Suppressing anger can lead to resentment, and even in the long run lead to ill health. While expressing your anger in a non assertive way often leaves both parties feeling upset and frustrated.
‘Anger repressed can poison a relationship as surely as the cruellest words.’ Joyce Brothers - psychologist and journalist
How do you react to other people’s anger? Most people have an initial ‘fight or flight’ response to anger from others, it is a primitive reaction that we experience. For some they remain in that state and either end up passively or aggressively responding to the situation, which is likely to result in a ‘Win-Lose’ or even a ‘Lose-Lose’ outcome. For others they are able to manage this initial response and respond in an assertive manner.
‘The longer you take to say something that needs to be said, the shorter the tone can be when you finally get around to saying it.’ Peter Karsten
Different perspectives on conflict. Different personality types view conflict in different ways. Some personality types view a slightly heated difference of opinion as a healthy exchange of views, while others see it as conflict and may feel threatened by it. How do you view conflict? What constitutes conflict to you? Do your colleagues have a different viewpoint? To learn more about this and to explore the different personality types within your team using the Myers Briggs Type Indicator call or email Melanie to discuss this further.
‘Seek first to understand, then to be understood.’ Stephen Covey
How to deal with anger in a positive and assertive way – This might be about your own anger or dealing with someone else’s anger. The following points can assist you in dealing with the situation in a constructive way:
Take a deep breath, mentally step back, if possible take time out to calm down
Engage your logical mind: what do you want to achieve through the conversation?
With this aim in mind think about what you want to express to the other person
Aim for a win-win – if you have an on-going relationship with someone either in or out of work, the most fruitful and constructive goal is one that involves both of you coming away satisfied with the process
If you want people to listen to you, you need to return the favour and listen carefully to them
Asking questions and listening to the answers is as important as expressing your point of view.
Which of the above ideas would have the greatest impact on how you deal with anger?
‘Did you ever notice how difficult it is to argue with someone who’s not obsessed with being right?’ Dr Wayne W Dyer
Do you want training, consultancy advice or coaching support? Call 01865 377334 or email email@example.com to arrange a time to speak in confidence. For more information about Grovelands visit our website: www.grovelands.org.uk
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