Dear Reader

Do you suppress or express your anger? I’ve had a number of conversations with clients and participants recently about anger, whether it is dealing with our own anger or someone else’s, so I thought I would choose it for this month’s topic.

Managing Challenging Interactions – If this topic is of interest to you or you know of someone else who has difficulty in dealing with challenging interactions then I am running a one day workshop on Wednesday 14th November. The programme includes two follow up coaching emails to assist you in putting your learning into practice and costs just £100 inc. VAT. For more information email me on mg@grovelands.org.uk If you would like to run this programme in-house within your organisation then do get in touch as it can be tailored to meet your needs.

See right hand column for recommended reading on this topic and information on a Dismissal Workshop being run by Blake Lapthorn Tarlo Lyons in Oxford on 13th November.

Best wishes


Melanie Greene

Do you suppress or express your anger?

Do you get angry? – This might sound a strange question, as some people are well aware that they get angry whether they express it or not. However, for others they can suppress their feelings of annoyance, hurt or anger so much that they go around thinking that they never get angry. Suppressing anger can lead to resentment, and even in the long run lead to ill health. While expressing your anger in a non assertive way often leaves both parties feeling upset and frustrated.

‘Anger repressed can poison a relationship as surely as the cruellest words.’  Joyce Brothers - psychologist and journalist

How do you react to other people’s anger? Most people have an initial ‘fight or flight’ response to anger from others, it is a primitive reaction that we experience. For some they remain in that state and either end up passively or aggressively responding to the situation, which is likely to result in a ‘Win-Lose’ or even a ‘Lose-Lose’ outcome. For others they are able to manage this initial response and respond in an assertive manner.

‘The longer you take to say something that needs to be said, the shorter the tone can be when you finally get around to saying it.’  Peter Karsten

Different perspectives on conflict. Different personality types view conflict in different ways. Some personality types view a slightly heated difference of opinion as a healthy exchange of views, while others see it as conflict and may feel threatened by it. How do you view conflict? What constitutes conflict to you? Do your colleagues have a different viewpoint? To learn more about this and to explore the different personality types within your team using the Myers Briggs Type Indicator call or email Melanie to discuss this further.

‘Seek first to understand, then to be understood.’  Stephen Covey

How to deal with anger in a positive and assertive way – This might be about your own anger or dealing with someone else’s anger. The following points can assist you in dealing with the situation in a constructive way:

  • Take a deep breath, mentally step back, if possible take time out to calm down

  • Engage your logical mind: what do you want to achieve through the conversation?

  • With this aim in mind think about what you want to express to the other person 

  • Aim for a win-win – if you have an on-going relationship with someone either in or out of work, the most fruitful and constructive goal is one that involves both of you coming away satisfied with the process

  • If you want people to listen to you, you need to return the favour and listen carefully to them

  • Asking questions and listening to the answers is as important as expressing your point of view.

Which of the above ideas would have the greatest impact on how you deal with anger?

‘Did you ever notice how difficult it is to argue with someone who’s not obsessed with being right?’  Dr Wayne W Dyer

Do you want training, consultancy advice or coaching support? Call 01865 377334 or email mg@grovelands.org.uk to arrange a time to speak in confidence. For more information about Grovelands visit our website: www.grovelands.org.uk

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Recommended Reading

Difficult Conversations by Ann Dickson. Ann has written numerous books about assertiveness and this is her most recent book. Always practical and easy to apply.

The Dance of Anger by Harriet G Lerner. This book had a profound affect on how I approach the topic of anger and dealing with conflict.

Working It Out At Work by Julie Hay.  If you want to learn more about Transactional Analysis (TA) this is a great starting point. Easy to dip into, it draws upon Julie's wealth of experience in industry.

 

 

 

 

 

Recommended Workshops

Dismissals Workshop

Tuesday 13th November run by Blake Lapthorn Tarlo Lyons in Oxford. This half day workshop will cover the legal side of dismissing individuals through redundancy, misconduct, ill health and retirement.  Click here to contact Alex Robinson for more details or to book a place.

Managing Challenging Interactions workshop on Wednesday 14th November facilitated by Melanie Greene. Whether it is a challenge to communicate with team members, colleagues, customers or suppliers, certain interactions can become very stressful. This interactive one day workshop provides practical techniques to transform your relationships with others. Click here to email Melanie for more details.

Dealing with differences in personality types

If you are interested in exploring the differences in personality type within your team or with colleagues then contact Melanie to discuss tailored programmes to meet your needs using the Myers Briggs Type Indicator.

 

 

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'The only antidote to anger is to eliminate the internal sentences. "If only you were more like I am" and "if only the world were not the way it is".'

Dr Wayne W Dyer
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